The challenge of submission

I have been meditating on the story of Cain lately. It is one of my favorite stories to ponder.  What was wrong with Cain’s sacrifice in Gen 4?  It would appear that he brought the Lord the result of his best work, he was a gardener, and he brought vegetables.  What is interesting is that the Lord does not say why it was not pleasing to Him, but instead offered a warning to Cain: “you are going to respond sinfully to my rejection, but you have the ability to change your heart; to deal with the sin at a heart-level rather than let it grow to the point that it affected his behavior.”

We can deduce from Cain’s later behavior that it was likely a heart-attitude that did not please the Lord.  We also know, in hindsight, that a living sacrifice was a foreshadowing of the Christ; and God demonstrates earlier in chapter 3 that the death of the lambs was in direct relation to the first couple’s prideful  sin of eating the forbidden fruit.  Cain’s attitude appears to be one of hurt pride, hurt that what he considered his best work was not what the Lord desired from him.  But God is all-powerful, and when it is not us in the hot-seat it is easy to see that God not only has the authority to command us, but has our best interest in mind and most often he has a better plan for us than we have.  Cain, in the moment, could not see all of human history, but God could, and his actions flowed out of divine will and perspective.     Bottom Line: Cain refuses to surrender his heart to God.

As a person who has chosen to serve God, it is a very hard thing to except that I may be in a situation where I bring to God what I believe to be my very best, and he may not accept it.  He has no compunction to accept what I bring, just because I brought it; he is the most high God.  I am a finite being that, even on my best days, fails and has to be forgiven.  Yet by the definition of true, 100% submission I have no right to be offended if he chooses not to accept what I bring.  If I have the right heart-attitude, I will look at what I have done and ask God “Then what must I do to make it pleasing to you? How must I adjust to come in line with what You desire.”

Here is the reality:  I must continue to meditate on this in order for God to bring it to pass in my heart.  I do not find it easy to be rejected.  I do not find it easy to have persons, or deities disagree with me.  But, I need to change.  I need to become worthy of my God. I need God to change me, because, without his power changing my life, I am just another person grasping at good-living.

One day at a time

The sanity prayer:

God grant me the sanity to recognize the things I cannot change, the sanity to change the things that I can, and the sanity to know the difference. (no disrespect intended to the serenity prayer.)

I have a confession to make: I am waiting for life to get easy.  I am waiting, to reach that place where the right choices come naturally, and with minimal heartache, and I can truly know that I have "got it".  I didn't recognize how insidious this was until just recently.  I realized it was insidious, because I was subconsciously trying to make it happen now. 

It begins to happen very slowly, over time and through dissapointments as you begin to adjust your response to your expectations.  "this shouldn't be so hard" you begin to think "I already learned this lesson."  And then your response begins to shape your expectations! 

My expectations need to be shaped by the reality of God and my relationship with him.

The book of James, toward the latter part of the New Testament, tells me that I will have "got it" when my endurance is complete.  This is just the opposite of waiting for life to get easier.  This seems to indicate that the better my attitude toward suffering is, the more complete I am.  Well, I checked several other versions and it appears that this is not a misprint.  

I am alluding to recent experiences, however shameful, that were necessary to root out some dysfunction that was laid deep in my foundation.   I had failed to develop a 'consistent' habit of drawing on God for emotional strength; so, while the spiritual ups and down had smoothed out and I was drawing on God regularly, when the major identity Crisis hit last spring (Perhaps this will be the subject of a later entry, perhaps not)) I had failed to develop that habit of daily strengthening myself.  This gave a way for the humanistic self-centered philosophies about mental health that I am daily saturated in to become imbalanced against the word of God, and begin to erode the carefully laid foundations in my thinking. 

My confession is this, I am human and I need the mystery of Christ in me.  I find that I am constantly warring with my inner thought life and trying to keep it from leaking out of my mouth.  However, I have faith that God will restore quickly what has been lost, if I continue to be faithful in prayer and reading the scripture.  The desire for righteousness remains; however, and now the will must once again be bent to it.

 

   

It has been a long week and this has been a hard bit to write.  To my two dedicated followers I am commited to blogging at least once a week on this spiritual Journey.  This was last weeks so look for something mid week.  Thanks for reading.

Desperation . . .

I have a new reason to read my Bible today.  Desperation.  I understand now why King David wrote "take not your spirit from me".  It was not to make a theological point, and not to provide academics something to argue about.  It was an act of desperation. 

I, like David, now understand how distracting "myself" can be.  I have woken up each day for the last week and prayed my own version of David's prayer; "oh Lord don't let me get so caught up in my own concerns that I stop feeling your Spirit!"  It has become an act of desperation to go to the Word of God, because praying alone hasn't cut it for me.  Praying and reading the Word of God is something that I can point to in my past and say "God was with me and I was growing."  Like using sunscreen, it has been proven effective.

So what is being a Christian, really?  It isn't trying to be better than others (it actually begins with the opposite: realizing that you can't be anything without God), and it isn't trying to follow a list of rules (read Romans and Galations the law [or rules] only points out our inability to be good.)  I often ask myself  what it means to be a Christian, and I believe that it really boils down to a couple things.  

1. I believe in the reality of God, his Son, and the sacrifice of the cross.  

2. that realization humbles me because the acts that it consists of were motivated by pure love.

 3. I love Jesus Christ and want to be with him and like him.

That is it.  Everything I do for Him is motivated by his love for me.  Of course, you understand that this is a little rougher in practice than it sounds.  But that is OK, because when I confess my errors and get back on the track of following him He reminds of how much he loves me.   What I mean to say is that it is not 'my love' that motivates me, it His love.  When I get past my own pride and insecurity, and fairly evaluate the relationship I have with Him, I am blown away by His love for me. In fact, I have learned that He thinks more highly of me than I do (which saves me the trouble of being boastful or proud).

Life is coming to grips with not being the center of the universe.  If I know that Jesus is the center of the universe, than I can personally accept that that position is being filled by another.  (most days)  :) 

This line of thinking always takes me to thinking about  God and what he is like, but I think that is  another discussion. 

Muddy Water

This blog is about not blogging.  I see people wearing a t-shirt at times that reads "more people have read this t-shirt than your blog". When I see this shirt I nod and think, one of these days I am going to blog again. . .  

It turns out there was a good reason that I wasn't blogging. I wasn't filling my mind and heart with God's word and with the thoughts and ideas of others I respect.  In short I was on spiritual and intellectual life support.  Why?  Because I had somehow managed to make my own self more important to me than God.  This may sound like weird talk or babble to you, but when I am focused on listening to God, knowing Him more, and doing his will; I feel like a weight has been removed from my chest.  When I focus on how bad I feel and what things I am currently resenting, I am mean to my family and not a very  nice person to be around.  God "met" me in worship this last week and put the kibosh on my crappy attitude.  

I have often prayed for a "revelation" from God (an overwhelming sense of his presence, a miracle, etc.) and from time to time he does just that.  This last week I had the most memorable experience of this type to date.  The details are mostly personal, but, in short, he caused me to feel the hearthurt that my attitude and behavior had caused Him.  WOW!!  I just have to Pause for a moment here to say how amazing that God actually thinks higher of me than I do.  When  I keep perspective in my own heart (He big, me small, Him see all, me see what is in front of my face) God is pleased, and says in his Word that he will bless me.  It really is a great deal for me!!  I find the Christian life to be exciting and always forward looking.  My relationships with people and family are richer and deeper than I could have imagined.  In short, I don't think of my life as being limited by a list of "rules".  I find my life to be defined by pleasing my savior. (the list just helps me to remember what pleases, and what doesn't.)

So . . . no more muddy water.  I hope to use this blog to journal the thoughts and ideas that come from studying the word of God, and what other men have had to say about it.

But, we'll see, right?

modernity

The other day a friend of mine was talking about how broken up society is becoming. It seems like less and less people are coming from healthy families and more and more kids are exposed to situations they are unprepared to deal with. Enter trauma, stage left.
Is it the end of the age? Well, I think that so many things in this world are cotradictory. Kids are not fools; they can see that many (most?) Adults are saying one thing and doing another. They see that and want no part of the system.
So why am I surprised? Well I think I am always hopeful, always looking for some sign that people are improving or growing.
The truth is that the one consistency I can expect is Jesus. If I didn't believe it I couldn't have brought children into the world.

Life between the eyes

I have spent the last few months working with Journey Church to prepare for our big launch. The Easter service next week will double as our official "launch". We have been running an Alpha course recently and that has been a lot of fun. The band has been working hard to get ready for the service. We plan to do a blend of video and music combined with a breakfast and followed by an easter egg hunt for the kids. It promises to be quite fun and we are praying for 200 guests. If you are a praying person, pray for us this Sunday.

I had a revelation recently concerning faith. I was talking with my Alpha group this past week and the question I asked them was "when you think about God do you feel love or fear?" As the group gave their answers I realized that I did not have a good answer. I decided I better start thinking quickly.
My answer seemed to come to me as I shared. I told the group how I had determined to follow Christ when I was four years old. Since that time I had always felt the closeness of the Spirit. When I rebelled as a young adult, it was the absence of that feeling that convicted me and brought me back to a life of faith.
As for the the question at hand, I can't say that I feel either. I have such an analytical mind that I over-analyze things more than feel them. I find my mind trying to figure out what response of mine will get the response from God that I want.

At that point I realized that faith for me is accepting where and what God has me doing right now. Though this may seem like basics for some, It was an epiphany to me. All the planning and strategizing I do in my life have to be submitted to God's will, or they will not be successful. As a servant of Christ, I won't be happy if I am not doing God's will. More on this to come . . .

The newest addition

Here is part of the reason I have not blogged recently:


I will post more images this weekend.

Christopher